Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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