Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
