sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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