and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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