dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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