i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Help. Why am I so naked?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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