Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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