carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Duck Duck Cougar?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
