Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
