Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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