Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
