I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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