dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
