WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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