It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have demons in me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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