i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
