nut hugger
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
