so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
