He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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