I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
