what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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