She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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