i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
