I didn't shave. On purpose
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
