She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
