just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
