It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
