HIV tests are more positive than that guy
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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