She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
