is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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