I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
