Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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