Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
