last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
