I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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