i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
