i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
