He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
