That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
