just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
