Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
