The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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