she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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