Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
