btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
