I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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