Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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