i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We got so high we made milksteak
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i've created a new STD.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
