i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Semen is not good for contacts.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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