So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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