My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
