there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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