We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
