This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
