I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
