We're like a lot better than the average bears
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
