I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
