when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
