I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't make out with my wife yet
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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