they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
