i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
