Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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