oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
