Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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