I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
