Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
