so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
