true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
