you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize