I want to have your abortion
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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