Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
